Getting cock blocked.

Taking up space. This is something I heard last summer. I joined The Wing and was handed a bag with the words painted across it, but it didn’t necessarily mean anything. I later attended a speaking engagement and heard the author repeat those same words: we are here to take up space, keep taking up space. It hit me then in a different way, but I still didn’t know quite what to make of it…but it meant something nonetheless. In my marriage and my life, I was constantly told I take up too much space. Space I was given. Space I was expected to fill. Regardless, “I took up too much space.” And once those words took shape and deeper meaning, life began to change.

Taking up Space means recognizing your right to exist, have opinions, speak without apologizing, pursue your own goals, and have a body. Any kind of body. A body you don’t apologize for. A body you don’t feel ashamed of. A body you get to dress and decorate and shape and display and use exactly the way YOU want to.

So yeah, I take up space. As women we should be taking up space. But what happens when things take up OUR space? This is really the purpose here. Taking up space and limiting the energy you put into things which aren’t worthy or reciprocal. So here we go, let’s see if I can lay it all out for you, vulnerability and all.

This summer I faced the hard realization I had two things taking up space in my life which maybe were undeserving. Taking up space in my mind and heart is a privilege, certainly not to be taken lightly, and maybe something I was used to giving away. Space should come with added tax, maybe even import duty. Space is the most valuable thing I could give in star date 2020 and here I was giving every bit of my space which wasn’t consumed by my two children to two areas which were unfulfilling.

I’m an entrepreneur at heart. I never quite seek out my exact business yet am able to assess circumstances, to find a need and fill it – capitalize on it. Here I can add tax, no problem. I’ve owned my own business since 2010, walking away from corporate America and never turning back. I’ve held offices on both coasts, employees, interns, won awards and all the accolades. But when life got weird in 2020, some things no longer served me. Owning your own business is hard AF. Someone told me long ago: as long as you love it more than you it drives you crazy, keep going. And that was true until it wasn’t. I left my first business and fell into my second. Now here we are. Life turned into a full time crisis and I fell into a routine of working to get by, no purpose, no drive. Then my friend Sally Kent slapped some sense into me and the answer near immediately freed my neck tension and migraines. I have things taking up space, space it no longer deserves in my home, in my heart, and in my mind. I was discussing this very same thing this past week with my friend whose work environment has become toxic. I urged him to pull the chord and walk so he would make space for positive changes. The advice I gave him of course was not immediately apparent to myself. This is why when something is taking up space which no longer serves you, you need to cut ties and move the fuck on. Because to think you will be able to explore opportunities to the fullest extent of the Universe while that space is completely full of crap is unrealistic; you are literally cock blocking yourself.

So that’s work. But how about love? I mean love may be a strong word. But we speak about love a lot and let me be honest and transparent: I love with my ever loving burning red heart. Love you don’t deserve and will never have the privilege to explore again, but red nonetheless. Burning red. So space. When you love someone, they take up space. And if you love with your whole heart, you give them all the space available, regardless of what you should or they deserve. So okay, I’ve been single since my divorce. I’ve never considered myself off the market but there have been a couple times when people have taken up space, even at times against my better judgment. Friends. Fuckboys. Folks in the closet, either emotionally or otherwise. I digress. I can’t help it. I lead with an open heart and I love first in life. But there I was, giving away space without tax, let alone adding duty. It occurred to me one day how space was not limitless; how the Universe would still be in reaction to my space, my availability, and how limiting myself I was, regardless of intent.

Taking up space is a tricky concept to grasp. You may be literally or theoretically cock blocking yourself with the space you are allowing something or someone to take up in your mind and heart. You may think you will just work that job until something better comes along. You may think you will just keep engaging in that relaionship (friend, romantic, orbiting stalker) until you meet the “right person,” but you won’t. Because your space is full. The magic of the Universe literally has nothing left to fill. So take it from me, take up space. And stop giving away space. If you are going to give away space, lease it out and add tax, VAT, duty, triple net that shit up. Trust me, you are likely not taking up nearly the space you deserve, yet all the other less worthy avenues of your life (be it professional or personal) have established squatters rights and are sucking you dry. You need space to dictate what should fill it. So please, take stock of what space you are giving away and what space you are filling. We should be taking up space. We should be making noise. Creating a MF revolution. Take up space but really, don’t give it away. Once your space is full, it is extremely hard to clear it out. Choose wisely. And if you have one takeaway: remember to stop cock blocking yourself professionally and romantically. There are plently of things in 2020 doing that to you already!

Peace, love, raise the rent.

xo CKP

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